Hello, my name is reject. Or so it seems, according to the education system. I've been ostracised, criticized, and "pink slipped" more times than I can count. And like a sickness, I keep coming back because I believe in what's right, which is exactly what causes others to ridicule, despise, and expel me from their ranks.
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That is right, I am a teacher whose resume is a sad laundry list of failures, disappointments, and bridges burned. My resume reads like a battle plan with lots of losses. It seems everywhere I have taught didn't want me because I refused to prescribe to their damaging factory model of so called education. And yet, I wasn't this crazy martyr, screaming as I pointed out injustices and throwing the verbal punches. I sat back, my stomach in knots, as I saw children crumble before my very eyes as I mumbled out a scripted lesson. I believe that even when I tried to play the game, they could see right through me. Behind the robot-like mask of indifference, they could see the person, full of fire, grimacing at yet another dehumanizing test prep lesson. They were on to me and had to make me their enemy. Even the kids were on to me, asking why I didn't yell at them or try to scare and shame them into performing.
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These feelings recently came back to me as I read a great, highly recommended book by Sinhue Noriega, "If it's Broken Don't Fix it". I was left spellbound, nodding my head, angry at the injustices it seems so few see or know or care to admit. This is why they keep happening. I wanted to find Mr. Noriega and praise him beyond comprehension, for "getting it".
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I want this quote from his books, made into t-shirts, bumper stickers, plastered onto signs and billboards. I want to shout it from the hilltops because it so represents not just me and my trials and tribulations, but the system as a whole.
"I have often found that those who take major strides towards reform quickly find adversity descending upon them. I've seen too many programs begin to make a difference, then be shut down because they caused too many waves. Teachers and administrators who chose to implement high ideals, philosophies, and practices, often find they become the target in a system that never intended to have better teaching practices put into action. These dreamers stand alone, in a world of challenge, on the sword's edge of employment because they believe in something greater than the outcome of a test."
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A few months back, I applied to be a vice principal of a charter school in Oakland, CA. If you don't know, Oakland is in urban decay, with incredibly high crime and poverty rates, the Detroit of the West Coast if you will. The school toted social justice, creating life long learners and innovators for the 21st century, wanting To reverse the injustices of race and poverty serving as cultural and success-based barriers. I was so very excited to apply to a school that seemed to align to my philosophy of education. I spent all day writing an essay they, when I was done, left me full of energy, as if to say, "yes! I can and will make a difference! I am awesome!". I wrote about education opening minds and changing the world. I wrote about challenging social barriers and how we could empower the students and community to become the next generation of thinkers and doers. (I wish I could find my letter in my pile of documents as, not to toot my own horn, but it was that good.) I thought for sure I had the job, because my essay reflected their mission statement. I never even heard back in any way and the position has since been filled.
Because, schools talk the talk but don't walk the walk. They want someone who blindly and robotically delivers corporate-developed droll lessons that keep the children in line. They want kids to attend solely for money. Everything they do is for dollar signs and hidden agendas.
The children...they don't even come last because that would assume they were of some priority. I keep trying to tow the line to have a paycheck to support my family. I keep trying to find places that have children as the priority. I keep trying to make a difference, only to continually fail and be labeled a failure in a system that doesn't want me. A system that doesn't even factor children into the equation. But I refuse to go quietly into the night.
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